The Santa Network

Hello boys and girls, it’s that time of year
Time to spread good tidings and cheer
And time also for a certain jolly old elf
To head out and spread plenty of joy himself
But have you ever wondered how Old St. Nick
Is able to get around the world so quick?

How does he pull off this tremendous act?
I mean, just look at the facts:
He has to cross 24 time zones, fly over at least three oceans and six continents,
To say it’s a grand undertaking is one heck of an understatement!
And even when you take out the places where they don’t celebrate Christmas,
Which really isn’t an awful lot,
You’re still left with millions, no Billions, of places for him to stop!

So how does he do it year after year?
Visit all those homes so far and near
Well I’ve looked into this question for a long time
And though my research may be presented in rhyme
What I tell you now is nonetheless fact!
I know the secret behind Santa’s Great Act!

You see, there’s not one Santa, but many at work
And they all work together thru one great big Santa Network!

Now I know what you’re thinking: “This guy’s had too much eggnog”
But I can assure you that my head isn’t in any kind of fog
In fact, the opposite is quite true, at least when it comes to this
But you are partly right: something is amiss…
If there really is a Network of Santas organized across the globe,
How did it come about, and how do they coordinate their great load?
Well to answer that question, we have to start from way way back
To when the Original Santa started carrying around his pack…

You see back then people celebrated the season with gatherings and feasts
They didn’t have much to give beyond pickled fruits and cured meats
But there was one man with red robes and a certain knack for making toys
Who wanted to do something special for all the little girls and boys
So one winter night, he set out with a big sack full of his creations
And tried to deliver gifts to all the children in his nation
His journey was difficult, fraught with distress,
But by morning he had been a success!
Enough so that he tried it again the year after
That time with a sleigh and his now famous team of reindeer
With those reindeer, he went farther and faster than he ever expected
So he grew more ambitious, and the year after his operation expanded
He now had a his first workshop, and a few elves to help him out
And like the year before, he filled up his sleigh and set out
To deliver toys to all the villages within his grasp
And he did it so fast, he left everyone a gasp!

It continued on this way for years and years
His workshop kept growing, but Santa had a growing fear…
You see, each year he would travel farther and farther
And with growing demand, he stretched himself further and further
But just when he thought he had reached his limit
He crossed paths with someone he mistook for a mimic!

You see, he wasn’t the only one out delivering gifts all these years
There had been many others who had also set out to spread some cheer
Seeing all these others gave Jolly St. Nick new-found inspiration!
And he came up with a way for all of them to deliver gifts to every nation!

After they had all delivered their gifts and came back from their journeys
Santa invited them all to his workshop so they could talk turkey
He told them of his grandiose plan with certain gusto:
“Say, why don’t we just all work together? Ho ho ho!”
He thought to use his special brand of magic to give them a way to chat
(Remember, this was way before Skype or any of that)
His workshop would make the toys
And manage the list of good girls and boys
And all the other Santas would have to do
Is update that list, and deliver the goods to me and you!
The others were hesitant at first, and wanted to know if he was sincere
So they said they would only do it if they could agree on one day of cheer
One special day in winter for them all to deliver their gifts
But Santa answered their test oh so swift
He asked them, “Why not make it Christmas?”
To which they all agreed very fast!

And thus the Santa Network was born, and it grew lightning quick
For wherever the Christmas season spread, there was a new St. Nick
They all go by different names in different places
And most don’t even share the same kind of faces!
But they all share the same love for bringing joy to children everywhere
And they all have an agreed-upon way for how they share… it.

They divide the globe up into special regions, and choose a Santa for each
And it’s the job of those Santas to check on the children within their keep
They make and send reports on every boy and girl to maintain the List
Which really does get checked twice, so that nothing is missed
Then come Christmas time, the Santas all receive the gifts they are assigned
And dress up and load those gifts into their own chosen ride
And set out on midnight in their own respective time zones
Delivering presents to everyone before returning to their own homes

I’m sure you must be wondering now
I can almost see the question sitting on your brow
“Who are these Santas and how do they get picked?”
“And just what happened to the original St. Nick?”

Well to answer your first question, I’m afraid I can’t say
If I did, I would end up on the naughty list for the rest of my days!
But they’re easy enough to spot, girls and boys
For they’re the ones who spread the most joy
Not just during the Christmas season, but all year ‘round
And if you’re lucky enough, they might just live in your town!

As for the jolly old elf who started it all
Don’t fret; he’s still involved with it all
He runs his whole Network from his workshop in the North Pole
Which makes endless amounts of toys, and the occasional lump of coal
He mostly just manages things now, but he will do his own Christmas run
But only to those children who are exceptionally good and deserving of fun
So try your best all the good long year
And who knows, maybe Santa himself will personally deliver you some cheer

Of course, if a personal visit from the Original Santa isn’t incentive enough
There is one more thing I want to add that might be motivation enough
You see, not all the Santas can keep up their work forever
Every now and then, a new person must be chosen to take on that endeavor
Someone who is kind, gentle, and always plays fair
And they must be firm, but forgiving, in all affairs
So if you’re good and kind, and work very hard to spread joy wherever you go
Then maybe someday, you’ll be the one playing St. Nick, who knows?
As for those older Santas that can’t quite keep the pace
Well they get to live in a specially-reserved place
A secret retirement village at the heart of Christmas Island
Where they can trade in the cold winter snow for warm tropical sand
Where the milk for their cookies comes served in a coconut glass
And where they can just wear Hawaiian shirts and shorts and have a blast!

Well there you go; Santa’s great secret is out
But I’m sure there’s a few of you that still have your doubts
Well before you let those doubts ruin your holiday bliss,
I hope you all can remember this:
It’s not just the presents that make these Santas so dear
It’s their spirit of giving that makes us all cheer!
And if you try hard enough to live by that spirit yourself
Then perhaps next Christmas, you might be a Santa yourself.